Venting my disgust

Some of you may remember the name Pierre Pierce. He was a fairly good basketball player for the University of Iowa in the early part of the 21st century. Pierce’s actions off the court, his unrighteous dealings with multiple women, and how his coach, Steve Alford, handled those transgressions did not make them very popular figures in Iowa City. At the time, I was in my early 20s and I was less mature, more foolish, and did not yet have a sense of mortality. I backed Pierce, and his coach’s handling of the situations.

Fast forward to last weekend. It is a Saturday in November. Iowa has just upset Michigan; beating them for the third consecutive year, which has never before happened. Alabama is playing LSU, number one against number two; it is being referred to as the game of the century and it ends up being decided in overtime. These are the things that my Twitter feed should be talking about, but it isn’t. There is a story breaking about a twisted old man (who was a former Penn State assistant football coach), his dealings with young boys, and the enabling allowed by the Penn State football program and university.

I believe that there is only person who is allowed to judge others, and therefore I try not to judge anyone. I do not believe in the mentality of an eye for an eye. That being said the Jerry Sanduskys of the world are some of the most despicable types of people in existence. Very soon, Jerry Sandusky will, deservedly so, never again be a free man. As for those individuals that knew of his actions and did not blow the whistle on him, in my opinion, they are criminals as well.

It is because of stories like these that I do not like watching the local and/or national news. Nonetheless, I have been caught up in listening, reading, and watching the horrible stories that are coming from Penn State University. I was relieved when Joe Paterno was dismissed as Penn State’s football coach; due to his (lack of) actions, he deserves to have his privileges hindered. I just wish that he would come out and blatantly say that he was wrong for not pursuing Sandusky’s wrong doings more than simply notifying his superiors.

The most disturbing story from this mess that I came across was while I drove to work Wednesday morning, and I was listening to Colin Cowherd on ESPN radio. A listener, in his forties, called in to the show to discuss how being a victim of sexual abuse stays with you for the duration of your life. Cowherd had to go away to a commercial break before continuing his show after the caller was done; when he came back his monologue addressed the fact that there are male predators and they usually don’t look any different from any other male. He talked about trying to keep his children safe and other children safe. I drove to work with tears in my eyes.

I am glad that Ryne is too young to comprehend what is happening when the reporters are live from Penn State. This is a blog entry that he should not read until he is MUCH older; I’ve just been thinking about this so much this week, it feels good to write out my thoughts. Ultimately, I guess it comes down to this – how do you keep your children safe from this happening to them? I fear that it is something that you do not have total control over. Not all people are who we think they are. Nonetheless, you have to have faith in people and trust that people are of good nature. You have to have an open line of communication with your child. Though, first and foremost, you have to educate your child about the possibilities, good and bad, the world has to offer.

With the burden of this Penn State situation still fresh in everyone’s minds, if your team wins this weekend it won’t be as satisfying and if your team loses this weekend it won’t be as depressing. I love sports. They are entertaining, and they contain numerous learning experiences. But they are just games. It is unfortunate that it takes situations like these to put everything into proper perspective.

You Want Good Luck? Go Get It!

I often think I’m a lucky guy. I have the perfect wife; a handsome, healthy, and well behaved son; a job that I enjoy going to each morning; I’m as healthy as I’ve ever been; and our family has enough money that allows us to do the things that we want to do. I keep thinking (dreading) that my luck is going to, has to, run out soon. I don’t know why I think this. I don’t even believe in luck. I believe that luck is what you get when hard work meets opportunity (unfortunately, I did not coin that equation).

So, Ryne, if you are ever down on your luck, promise me that you won't let it keep you down. You see, just as easily as we sometimes put ourselves in situations that bring us bad "luck" we can also create opportunites for ourselves to prosper from good "luck." If you exhibit/practice the following four traits, I promise you - your fortune will change.

1. Work hard. This is the easiest of the four. Anyone can work hard. And when you start working hard you are setting yourself up for “luck” or success. However, unfortunately, hard work does not ensure good fortune.


2. Be patient, and don’t quit. This is difficult; being patient can be much more difficult than working hard. Good things don’t always happen overnight. It is frustrating to be working so hard and not see any immediate gains; most people can not sustain the hard work because of this. You not only have to work hard, but you have to give the benefits of your hard work time to bloom. So in the mean time, you have to keep working hard, be patient, and don’t quit.


3. Take advantages of the opportunities that you are presented when they are presented. Opportunities for success don’t come around everyday. They will come, but it is hard telling when or in what form. That is why it is so important to maximize the opportunities that you get. Because who knows when you’ll get another one?


4. Have faith. This goes hand-in-hand with being patient. Believe in yourself. Believe that good things will happen for you/to you. If you keep working hard, remain patient, and take advantage of the opportunities that you get, good things will happen for you/to you.

Choose Your Heroes Wisely, Ryne

It has been very disturbing to me the excerpt from the new biography of Walter Payton that was written by Jeff Pearlman that was published in Sports Illustrated recently (Sept. 29th, 2011). I have been angry with Pearlman for exposing Walter’s less than glorious activities, I have regretted the fact that it was written, I have felt bad for Walter’s children and his widow, and I have spent much time reflecting on what this does to the image that I have of Walter. (Yes, I realize how good my life is when this issue is the number one stressor that I am dealing with.)

Walter Payton has always been a larger than life, almost mythical figure. Physically he looked very human (he stood under 6’ tall), but his accomplishments suggest that he was anything but human. Upon retirement from the National Football League, Walter Payton had rushed for more yards than any other player. However, running the ball was not all that he did. Walter blocked. Walter caught the ball. Walter even threw halfback passes for touchdowns on occasion. He played every Sunday (all but one actually throughout his 13 year career), and he never ran out of bounds - he instead looked to punish his opponent. On top of all of this that Walter did, he did it for BAD Chicago Bears teams throughout most of his career; by the time the Bears were good (early 80s), his best years were behind him. Regardless, even though I was four when Walter played his last season in the NFL, I have always accepted Walter Payton to be the best all around football player that has ever lived.

But Walter’s football talents didn’t even tell his entire story. I have read plenty to know that he was a jokester, the “class clown” of the Chicago Bears, and the one man responsible for ensuring everyone was always in good spirits. He was such a good person that the NFL, each year, names a Walter Payton Man of the Year right before the Super Bowl, an award that honors all of the great work a player has done both on and off the football field. And he died much too young; tragically, cancer took his life when he was 45 years young.

Walter Payton was one of my heroes when I was a child. In the blog entry where I recommended books for you to read, Walter Payton’s autobiography, Never Die Easy, was one of those books. In the Sports Illustrated excerpt from Pearlman’s book, Sweetness, it is accuses Payton of being unfaithful to his wife, suicidal, and abusing pain medication. He was my hero? Let transition into telling you who my other childhood heroes were: Roy Marble (Iowa basketball player), Ryne Sandberg (Chicago Cubs), Michael Jordan (Chicago Bulls), and Dennis Rodman (Chicago Bulls). These heroes were all flawed individuals. Marble ruined his career by abusing drugs. Sandberg had a messy divorce that caused him to retire early (he later made a comeback to baseball). Jordan had an addiction to high stakes gambling that caused him problems, he was a jerk to most of his teammates early in his career, and he, too, could not make his marriage last. Rodman? Where do I begin? I don’t have that kind of time; just know that he is a flawed and strange individual.

Is there a message in all of this? I hope so…I think there is. Choose your heroes wisely, Ryne. We only get a small sampling of who these celebrities are as individuals, and that small sampling does not give us the whole picture as to who they are. These people may let you down; we only get a small sampling as to who they really are. Realize that all people are flawed, and that includes famous celebrities. Admire and respect what these people do as athletes, entertainers, politicians, etc. However, keep that admiration and respect in perspective; take it with a grain of salt.

I am going to read Sweetness. It is not going to change how I feel about Walter Payton; I will still think of him as the best football player that has ever lived. I will continue to admire athletes from afar; I will try to pick their best characteristics and qualities that deserve celebrating. At the same time I will remember that all people have flaws, no one is perfect, and at the end of the day there is only one person that is qualified to place judgment on others and that one person is neither you nor me.

Thank you

Mom (Amy) thank you for being a great wife and a great mom. We, as a parenting team, are about the equivalent of Michael and Scottie or Batman and Robin - pretty impressive company. Being a parent with you makes parenting easy, I can't imagine doing this alone. Thanks for ALL that you do. I love you.

Grandma Janlyn and Grandpa Ron thank you for being great parents to me. I did not become who I am by accident. I was blessed to be born into the situation that I was born into. You guys set me up to be successful, and I am trying to maximize the opportunities I am offered. I am thankful for all that you have done, and all that you still do.

Grandma Janlyn thank you for putting this impressive (and long) book together. It looks great, and I hope that it one day becomes one of Ryne's most prized possession. You did the time consuming leg work, and for that I am thankful.

Grandma Gail and Grandpa Scott thank you for being great parents to Amy. She did not become who she is by accident; you two obviously played a huge role in helping her become the person that she is. You molded the person that I will spend the rest of my life with and for that I am both excited and thankful.

Aunt Britney and Uncle Kyle thank you for spoiling Ryne and for future roles that you both will play in Ryne's life. A while back, Kyle, I gave you a cork that read something along the lines of "an Uncle is like a Dad, but gets to have more fun." Don't ever forget that.

Gary and Jay thank you for being great with Ryne. We don't refer to you as Grandpa, but it is without question that you both love Ryne like a grandson. Thank you.

Ryne thank you for being who you are; I am blessed and I am thankful. Your Mom and I could not have asked for a better person to come into our lives; for the gift that we received - you - I am eternally thankful.

Ten Years Ago...

A couple of days ago was September 11th, 2011. That means that ten years have passed since September 11th, 2001. 9/11 is a big deal. You weren’t alive when terrorists hijacked airplanes and flew them into the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and a failed attempt that ended up in a field in rural Pennsylvania. You weren’t alive, but I am sure that you will learn about it. You see, this was, unfortunately, a tragically historic event. Your Mom was still in high school (a senior); I was a freshman in college, sharing a dorm with Nick Scott at Cornell. Most people remember quite a bit about where they were on that Tuesday of September 11th, 2001. This is what I remember.

I had just woken up, and I was headed to the shower when I was told that the first tower had been hit. At this point it was unclear that we were under a terrorist attack so still groggy from my slumber I proceeded to shower and go to breakfast. Around the time of my 9am class with Ed Timm, the second tower was hit and it was clear that neither strike was an accident. Professor Timm cancelled the remainder of our class, I remember going back to the dorms and watching coverage of the events for the next several hours. It was debated as to whether or not we would have football practice that afternoon; we had our second game of the season coming up that Saturday against Wartburg. Wartburg was traditionally good. We were traditionally not good. Most of Wartburg’s coaches played at Cornell. This was a big game. We had practice the afternoon of September 11th, 2001. I don’t remember anything in-particular about that practice other than we had a team prayer, and Coach Miller let individuals share how that day’s events had personally impacted them.

Major universities postponed football games for that following weekend, and so did the NFL. We (Cornell) played our game. I remember that the National Anthem was a big deal prior to that particular game, more so than most anyways. We beat Wartburg. I remember that due to the fact that Iowa and Iowa State postponed their game until after my season at Cornell was over, I was allowed to attend my first road Iowa football game. Otherwise, I don’t remember too much. Part of my grogginess is due to the fact that I, like so many other people, was shocked by what had just transpired. That and, I was still very youthful so I failed to completely comprehend the scope of what had just happened.

I am not going to go on and on about what heroism or patriotism or anything like that is. If you want more of that, you will have no problem going to Google and finding whatever you are looking for (as there has been no shortage of heroic or patriotic acts following these tragic events). I just wanted to let this serve as my platform to let you know where I was and what I was doing on September 11, 2001 because throughout your life I am sure you will hear many of times “everyone remembers what they were doing on September 11, 2001.”

It has been said by wiser mouths than mine that this event is my generation’s Kennedy assassination. I shutter to think about what your generation’s Kennedy assassination will be.

I forgot...one more additional thing in regards to my last post

I can’t believe that I forgot this one…this one is one of the most important ones from my list –

13) Do not be too stubborn to forgive or say two of the most important words that someone can say, “I’m sorry.” People are going to make mistakes and do wrong, which will sometimes hurt you. Don’t ever rule out forgiveness; you will feel much better inside without the burden that holding a grudge creates. And when you do something wrong – you will do some things wrong, apologize for yourself. Let people know that you are remorseful, and it will be that much easier for others to forgive you and go forward without any hostility.

Dear Son

Ryne -

Almost a year has passed, now, since you were born (actually, 11 months has passed). Wow! What a difference a year can make in someone’s life. At this time last year, if I recall correctly, I was scared, nervous, excited, and curious, you name it – if it were an emotion, chances are I felt it. I had no idea what to expect once you were born. I do remember how desperately I wanted you to be born during the Iowa Hawkeyes bye week (that didn’t happen). I remember thinking how they (the Iowa Hawkeyes) were going to have a dream season to coincide with the year that you were born; what a year it was going to be the Iowa Hawkeyes were going to win the Rose Bowl the very first year that you were alive (that didn’t happen, either)! Oh well, the sun kept coming-up; life went-on. Last year turned-out better than I could have ever planned. Ryne, you entering your Mom’s and my life has been the greatest thing that has ever happened to us.

Everyday you bring us so much happiness. The little things that you do are the best: your smile when one of us first gets you out of your crib in the morning, the way that you open your mouth in anticipation of every bite of food that we feed you, the sly grin that you give when you want someone to chase after you right before you take-off, your little eyes barely peeking out the screen of the front storm door when your Mom or I go outside, I could go on… You have only been alive and with us for one year, yet I don’t remember what our lives were like prior to you joining us. I can’t imagine our lives without you. I’ve said this previously, but it merits saying again, ‘you can not describe how great being a parent is to someone who is not a parent,’ they just couldn’t and don’t understand. You are the greatest gift that I have ever received. Thank you.

I started this blog to convey my emotions regarding the pregnancy leading up to and the birth of you, Ryne. You see, Ryne, there are very few people who I feel comfortable discussing my emotions with, but at the same time I am quite an emotional person. I had a feeling that you would bring out the best of my emotions and I wanted to give a larger scope of people an idea as to what I was feeling in regards to you. And I wanted you to know how you make me feel. I want you to know without a doubt how much I love you. I am not an openly affectionate I person, and I am not a lovie (not Smith, bad joke) person. However, I hope to never shy away from showing you how much I love you. I want to be able to hug you, and tell you that I love you as you grow-up and into adulthood. Nonetheless, these words that I write, and that you read, are my feelings; they are my thoughts expressed for you, to you.

You have changed me, Ryne, and it has been for the better. I hope that I can return the favor and help mold you into an exceptional citizen/person. To steal from my favorite book, I want to raise you to be ‘a man built for others.’ I am optimistic that these blog entries will serve as a reminder of a) how to do that (be ‘a man built for others’) and b) just how much I love you. Hopefully, when you are a bit older, you will be able to reference these entries and to use them as a guide, to give you strength when you are in despair, and to remind you that you have always been and will always be loved.